Cincinnati Bengals

  1. The team chose Cincinnati as its home when the team bus ran out of gas there and they could not afford to continue to its preferred city, Poughkeepsie, NY.
  2. Football is technically the Bengals players’ part-time job, as all of them are required by their contracts to devote most of their professional time and energy to children’s puppetry.
  3. Founder Paul Brown, a noted bad speller, named the team after his favorite 80s all-women rock group, the Bangles.
  4. Paul Brown Stadium contains the last retailer to sell cans of Coca Cola that require a coat hanger to open.
  5. Although many teams have obtained taxpayer funding for their stadiums by threatening to leave their home cities, the Bengals are the only team in the NFL to date that have obtained funding by threatening to play more games in Cincinnati if the city would not help support a new stadium.

Chicago Bears

  1. The team was originally formed by members of the Illinois Audubon Society who needed to work out some bird-related stress.
  2. Since 2015, players have received implanted chips behind their right ears, which allow them to listen to Robin Williams’ Live at the Met album whenever they cross their eyes.
  3. The Bears’ official team flower is the chrysanthemum.
  4. The Bears play at Soldier Field, named after Sade’s Soldier of Love, which was George Halas’ favorite song.
  5. Halas is enshrined in the Pro Football Hall of Fame for his achievements with the Bears, including defeating the Washington Redskins in the 1940 championship game 73-0, which he accomplished by convincing the entire Redskins team that football scoring worked like golf, with the lowest score winning. Although the trick worked, 14 Bears players were sent to the hospital following the game after Washington players beat them with their golf clubs in frustration.

Carolina Panthers

  1. The Panthers’ main offices are located under the Waffle House on Route 16.
  2. Until 2015, the primary factor in the team’s draft day decisions was a player’s ability to contribute to the team’s Call of Duty sessions.
  3. Quarterback Cam Newton is known in NFL circles for his prolific hacky sacking. He once kept the sack in the air for 16 hours, 4 minutes straight while playing with some Dave Matthews fans.
  4. The soda machine in the team’s locker room at the Panthers’ Bank of America Stadium doesn’t take quarters.
  5. The team gives employees business cards that have randomly generated Pee Wee Herman quotes.

Buffalo Bills

  1. Three Bills defensive backs were the main characters of Graham Greene’s novel, The Comedians.
  2. Former head coach, Marv Levy, was known to make prank calls to Buffalo area radio stations, pretending to be a Nigerian prince. He supplemented his coaching income that way, too.
  3. The Bills are the only NFL team to make ten consecutive Super Bowls and lose each one with a missed field goal; the Vikings also made ten consecutive Super Bowls but were blown out in each one.
  4. In 2005, former Bills quarterback Jim Kelly was inducted into the Mentos Hall of Fame for his contributions to scotch mints.
  5. Since 2011, the most popular concession at the Bills’ New Era Field has been potatoes. Not potato fries or chips. Just potatoes.

Baltimore Ravens

  1. Original Ravens owner Art Modell named the team after Edgar Allan Poe’s short story, “That’s So Raven.”
  2. Modell chose the team’s primary color, purple, after his two favorite musicians, Sheb Wooley and Prince (in that order).
  3. Before every home game between 1996 and 1998, the team went to IHOP for the All You Can Eat Pancake Buffet. Their record in those games was 2-22, with the only wins coming against two flag football teams accidentally placed on the schedule.
  4. The Ravens operate a small Scientology chapel under Section 103 of M&T Bank Stadium. It sells red vines.
  5. Current owner, Steve Bisciotti, asks fans to remove their shoes when they attend games and to not to speak too loudly because the baby is sleeping.

Atlanta Falcons

  1. The team began as a group of imaginary friends that Sean Astin’s character in The Goonies willed to life.
  2. Due to the Falcon’s salary capologist’s pathological fear of the letter “U,” current team management requires players to remove all U’s from their names. It’s kinda fcked p.
  3. Since 1992, the Falcons have sold more Pepsi Clear per capita than any other NFL team.
  4. The urinals in the Falcons’ Mercedes-Benz Stadium play “Whistle While You Work” when peed in.
  5. Adjacent to the home team’s locker room is a much smaller locker room for the leprechauns that play rugby in the stadium.

Arizona Cardinals

  1. The team started as the Chicago Cardinals before moving to Boston and changing their name to the Pops and experimenting with a more popular orchestral style of football.
  2. Before establishing themselves in Arizona, the Cardinals played in St. Louis, where they were largely known for having the cotton candy in the NFL.
  3. In response to a dare from Jon Bon Jovi, Bill Belichick once read a dirty limerick about the Cardinals at a Super Bowl press conference.
  4. An unknown prankster hung a disco ball over the 50-yard line at the beginning of the 1976 season. It was removed when someone noticed it during the 3rd home game.
  5. Since 2007, season ticket holders are invited each July to bury their recently deceased dogs and cats in the team’s pet cemetery under the visiting team’s bench. In 2013, Larry Fitzgerald caused a minor incident by burying his beloved hamster there.